Red Flags Warrant Cut Ties, by Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I met a woman online a few months ago, although we’ve never met in person. We talked about getting together, where I would go to her house and taking things from there.

I wonder if there are warning flags and what course of action to take.

We are talking online through an app, but after repeated video chat requests, I still haven’t received a positive response. I understand that people come from different backgrounds and have circumstances related to this. She’ll chew on me when she tries to call me and I don’t pick up, but I think that’s her way of trying to control the relationship.

She has a past, but when it comes to moving forward as a couple, she’s basically too scared to help with insight.

My question is, do I have to be a gentleman and end it or continue to put up with his needs to keep playing me? — All red flags

Dear flags: I think you know the answer to your question. Yes, the first red flag is that after months of communication, you haven’t seen her in person or even on video chat. She chews you out for not being available to her seems very controlling and like another red flag. You should end this relationship as soon as possible and move on to someone who is more deserving of your love and time.

Dear Annie: I am an honorably discharged veteran who served 49 years ago. I am grateful that members of our armed forces and our veterans are treated much better now and with more respect than when I served. Although I have never been disrespected in uniform, such as spitting on me, I know some veterans have experienced it. Unfortunately, it was my generation that did that.

Let’s go to my question. These days I see quite a few businesses, especially restaurants, offering a “military discount” (including veterans) for meals or product purchases. They openly advertise these bargains. It’s usually 10% off the deal or maybe a free drink with the meal.

Occasionally the clerk or waiter won’t ask me if I’m a veteran and I end up paying regular price. I don’t feel comfortable talking about it when it’s time to pay the bill because I feel like I’m being greedy.

I’ve had servers and employees tell me I SHOULD mention it, citing it as something I had “earned”. When offered, I thank the server or cashier and appreciate the gesture.

What do you think about this?

Also, there are a number of restaurants that offer free or discounted meals to veterans and veterans, and for those that do, I try to make it a point to frequent these establishments throughout the year. — Sarge

Dear Sarge: Thank you for raising this issue – and for your service to our country. The servers are absolutely right. Of course, you deserved it! It is wonderful that some companies recognize your service and want to thank you by offering discounts on meals or free drinks. You are not greedy. You are the opposite of greedy; trust me.

“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring her favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book form. Visit for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected]

Photo credit: Kranich17 on Pixabay

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